[cmb]

You and I are in the same boat in a couple of ways. I have 3 biological boys and a stepson and we are in MA!

When my second son was born, I was shocked that he wasn't a girl. I don't know why, but I thought he would be. I actually grieved a little right after he was born, but very quickly, I fell in love with him. My pregnancy, labor and delivery with him were uncomfortable to put it nicely and I swore "never again" after him. I felt that "loss" of a dream of having a daughter for a long time.

Then, I became pregnant with my third quite by accident. I had an amnio because of my age and found out that he was a boy. I cried for exactly one day and then just told myself to get over it. His pregnancy, labor and delivery were a piece of cake! He was an easy baby. I was happy.

My husband had a vasectomy while I was pregnant with my third, so there was no more option of trying for that girl. I thought I was really ok with that until I somehow found myself researching adoption online. China is the answer for us because there are so many girls, and also because this process has evolved from being about "the girl", to being about helping a baby who needs a home. Not out of pity, but out of *gratitude* for having been given three healthy babies and a loving husband to raise them with. I feel so lucky, I want to share it! It is so much more to me now than being able to buy girl clothes, making pigtails, the first communion dress, prom, etc., which is what I used to think it was about. Now it is more about sharing our blessings with a special little girl who happens to have been born across the world and, in our case, who may be referred to as "special". I will still get a kick out of all of the Barbies, nail polish, etc., don't get me wrong!!!! It is just so much more now and I have to say I probably wouldn't have experienced it this way if I had a biological girl. (I would have appreciated her for more than her gender, of course, but - well, I hope you know what I mean.)

The choice is obviously still yours, and I would totally value/support either one, but I thought I'd just share my experience/outlook. Feel free to email me privately if you wish. Good luck!