[Sun8]

Years ago they thought closed adoption was best, we would never know we were adopted, we would grow up normally and all would be happily ever after. They forgot a few things. We don't look like the rest of the family, thier health history is not ours. We have talents they dont have and visa versa. They also did'nt seem to realise that our tiny little body would remember some things. The sound of a certain heartbeat, the first one we heard, the voice we listened to for months, our first connection to another and then it goes missing. We grow up knowing we are missing something but we dont know what until.... we hear that voice, feel that touch.
With open adoption there are no secrets, there is someone we resemble, someone who has our talents, likes and dislikes. in closed adoption we are left to wonder and our fears are larger than reality. We build reasons to not be wanted, we abandon others before they can abandon us. We dont know or understand the truth, so we make up our own ideas and that is harmful to the little mind as a child. I wish I had grown up knowing why i was relinquished and seeing and knowing another who looked like me and had my talents. I love my Afamily dearly...but they all look alike, i dont, they have the same talents, mine are all different. My amom wished she knew the "why's" and "who", she could have helped me then, but she was given nearly no information. My 32 cents from an adult adoptee's point of view.