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Gone again...
This is beginning to resemble a soap opera, but it is my real life as an adoptive parent. Yes, people say that biological kids move away too...aren't always connected with the family, but this is different.
My daughter met her b-relatives, because we helped her find them, and then she left her husband for someone the b-father raised and had two kids by this guy, who basically had the life she would have had if not put into the foster system and adopted at age five by us.
I struggled for six years with little to no contact, making excuses for her not being interested or in contact etc. We'd get back together briefly and talk or see each other, there was never any harsh words on her part, always loving and up...then she called to ask if she could come here with here three kids (first with her husband) and the boyfriend because she had cheated on the boyfriend and they wanted to start over and the guy she had a fling with was stalking. Perhaps I was so excited to have them in our lives I overlooked the reality of the situation...and that is that they fled that neighborhood and didn't just voluntarily come to be near us. The boyfriend was unhappy from day one and kept going back to the old neighborhood often days and then weeks at a time and then return. Our daughter seemed to be settling in and said she would never go back there. She was welcomed overwhelmingly by old friends and of course all adoptive relatives. She moved into a house we own and one she said she loved. she spent her high school years in that house. She got a part time job and was fixing up the house and again the boyfriend would come back and forth but when she told us he called her a whore in front of the kids we told her we didn't want him around and hoped she felt the same. She acted all along like she didn't care if he was around or not and was friendly towards her husband again, and they never had legally divorced. The kids seemed very happy in school. We were also uneasy about a bruise she showed us when she first arrived, but she made it sound like it was because she's cheated and the boyfriend got mad...well...any ways..she is about to start a nursing program and we're thinking all is great...she finds out the boyfriend has had another girlfriend and that is why he was going back and forth...and then I arrive at her door step after spending days of laughing and joking and good time together to a note...like she left first time...poof...most of her things were gone...the kids had already been gone with her half sister for the weekend, so that is why we had the time to have fun and the note in essence said she wasn't happy and has to find herself and she is going to try new places and loves us all very much and will call all the time ...blah blah blah...back to the way it was before and she is right back in her birth neighborhood.
SO...I have no idea if she is actually back with the boyfriend but I know that she had some idea that some of the birth relatives were going to move here too since she had and none did so I can only imagine that she wanted to go back...when she first went there she had told me she was happy there..Now it's no calls...answers a text now and then as long as it is kept light.
Our reality...there is another family in most of our adopted kids...even an orphan might have some cousin or somebody out there...We HAVE to accept that. For some it all fits together neatly and for the rest of us we have to prepare to share and even say good bye...and have a good life...we can't make someone want to be in our lives...I did enjoy the three months though...better than nothing. Some great memories...
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