[Stormster]

Our relationship has evolved over time. And to some of the previous posters how could I as a PAP who was educated about the benefits of open adoption simply walk away from a PBM who did not understand what it open adoption is ? Especially when she had already decided that we were the right family for her.

I wanted and still want as open an adoption for the sake of DS. I never ever would walk away from a family over this issue because things change! And they have.

As a matter of fact, I don't think many people really do understand the way independent adoptions unfold. We had hours of daily contact before we were even chosen and no ultimatums were made. She mentioned later that she liked the idea that we were "open" to open adoption but was not sure about it herself and just needed some more time to pass in order to define it.

She told me she saw "open adoption" on our profile but thought of it as a possibility to be discussed down the road. Not a hard and fast arrangement from the beginning.

All this black and white thinking in this thread makes me glad we were able to get to know her directly, slowly and over time. Our relationship evolved and I know she is sure about us because of the time that was taken to define the subtleties of our adoption. And, because she has told me this, that our relationship defined the adoption rather than the way someone else (or a profile) presented us to her.