[keds]

OK, I'm almost 2 years into reunion and it's going fairly well. Other than bdad (husband) having a hard time, and raised kids finding their way in a relationship with bson, and me wanting SO much more, I never thought I would be blind-sided by anger/depression about his placement. I suppose I am living those emotions that were "cut-off" or forcibly shut down and yet, now, in reunion, I am the one who supposedly "made" all the decisions. Why is it that those of us who were victims back then are, now, being victimized again? Is it the perspective that our parents, bdad had at the time? I never asked how they felt or what they thought back then, I only guessed and listened to the words spoken "at" me. In my situation, I believed what they spoke was what they truly wanted. My feeling is that the only one who didn't have a choice was my bson and I feel that I failed him. Should I have fought harder? Was he better off without me? I know I wasn't but he says he had a better life and I don't doubt it financially but emotionally, I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else had the same feelings? I did watch the movie Juno a few months back and thought it was quite good in the scenes between Juno and Bleeker (the bdad) but found the others a bit contrived (of course, I am from the closed era and do hope that times have changed). The thing that I found most disturbing was the cavalier attitude that people my age had toward the movie. It seems that now, as parents, they are more accepting and yet, when I run into anyone from that period of my life I am still dealt with the same contempt. One of my favourite lines from the last year of movies was in Jane Austen's Book Club when Prudence's husband says "high school is over" and she responds "high school is never over". Truer words were never spoken.

Sorry for the long post. Just the mask slipping a bit tonight.