I'm not in reunion (yet) but everything you are saying is striking a cord with me... Especially the anger and how you deal with that when it comes to your son...
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How do I deal with my anger? Same as always. Bury it. It feels like when I've expressed it to them it either gets denied when I'm told it's not valid for me to feel anger (usually my dad's response) or just plain ignored (my mom's response).
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Yup - said perfectly.
I totally understand how you feel about your parents when it comes to your son. I feel the same way NOW and I'm not even there yet. I think it's because
1) When I placed, I felt I had no control over the experience (or only limited). I do not want to ever feel that loss of control again when it comes to my reunion - Yea... I know, I know, I will not have much control but that is how I feel deeply. and
2) While I love my parents, and there is nothing wrong with them - other than normal parent craziness, I feel that ALL of my family is a reflection of me. If my Mom for instance, pushes too hard, I imagine that will not bode well for me. My Mom has never met a boundry she didn't cross.. So that's a lot of it...
Again, maybe it's a control thing but at the end of the day, I guess I don't trust them enough with this, to encourage an independent relationship.
I would be ticked if they didn’t tell me they were emailing when I had specifically asked them to do so.
So I am of no help, but I certainly understand where you are coming from.
((((hugs)))