Vogi, rant away, it can be so helpful to just say what's on your mind.
I know you're venting, and you know I think you're great, so please don't take this the wrong way, I'm going to just toss out a possibility.
I made some very strong activist friends in the AA community when I was in college - we were all about fighting racism and it was awesome. One of my best friends A was AA and we would get into heated discussions about stuff all the time. I learned a LOT and had a whole different way of seeing the world, white privilege, etc.
Anyway, all of this taught me to look at things and see if there is something more "there" than what appears on the surface. I think (and this is all pure conjecture) that some of the looks you get from the AA community might not be entirely that you don't have a right to parent C or that they feel sorry for him. (And some might be, don't get me wrong). When I read your vent I pictured my friend A and that she would likely look at a white couple with an AA child with some disdain...not because the parents aren't deserving or because she would feel sorry for the child, but because she was sad that an AA mother had to place her child, perhaps disappointed thinking the child might have been removed from the home. She would have seen it as a failure for the AA community that a child be removed or placed away from it.
The AA community is often the victim of a group mindset - the thought that the actions of one are representative of the group as a whole. Caucasions don't have the same experience. Ex. A white guy steals something from a store and
that white guy is a thief. A black guy steals something from a store and
all black men are thieves. You know? It's the whole basis of stereotyping...ugh. Anyway, in relation to your story, my friend would see you parenting C as evidence to the ignorant that black women can't raise thier own children. I'm sorry that you are feeling negative reprecussions from this though.
Wow, this was a lot longer than I planned.
Huge hugs and support of your vent though
