[Scorpionflower]

It was suggested to me to pose this question here, at the adoptees forum. I'm currently about 4 months pregnant. This is child #5 and am not in a situation to raise another child. It would not be fair to my current children nor to the child on it's way. The question I'm faced with is open or closed adoption. I was of the mindset that closed adoption would be best. For the child to be raised from birth by it's parents with the belief that they are the only parents, however, I did want to carefully select the family. In talking about this more with others, I've been hearing the other side... the lie. My concern is with the child always feeling he/she wasn't loved, or wasn't enough for me to keep them whereas I have kept and raised their older siblings. I worried how all the children involved would be effected. How at such young ages it would be hard for them to comprehend the situation.

Now, I wonder if open adoption may be best. For me and my children to be in the distant picture.. visiting a few times a year as blood relatives, to one day, when the child is ready, be there to answer the questions of where he/she comes from. That way, me and my children would not be strangers, but rather... blood relatives. I wouldn't bring my children into this knowledge until the baby finds out. As my children do not live with me at the moment they do not need to know I am bringing another child into the world. One attends prepatory boarding school and my daughters live with their father in California while I get myself established in the midwest. I'm struggling to build a home for them to come to, but determination and preserverance will bring all things together.

So, on the issue of open adoption vs closed adoption, from an adoptee standpoint... what are the pros and cons and which do you feel is best?