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No problem at all. Adopting older children is a wonderful thing to do, but it comes with it's own set of problems. I had someone wonderful to help me through it, and I would be happy to pass that along to someone else. We're in Tuscola county. So, to answer your questions:
were any of the children that were given back to the bio parents ones that you were hoping to adopt yourself?
Four of them. Three brothers and one little girl. But the thing is, all of them SHOULD have gone home. That made it easier for me. I had gotten to know the birth parents, and I realized that this is where they belonged. These kids were not abused, they came from poor homes. So I was heartbroken when they left, but happy for them too. Does that make sense?
how does it feel to help a child prepare to leave your house
That's a hard one. Especially when they are very young, or very attached to you. We had a little boy that was very attached to us, but we could not adopt. We were expecting a newborn (by private adoption) and this poor kid was so violent. It was really hard (and I'm tearing up thinking about it now) to explain to him why he had to leave. I'm happy to report though that he was adopted by the home he went to after ours. There is two schools of thought about preparing. One is do it slow and give them time to get used to it, the other is do it like a band aid, just rip it off. I'm for slow. Since we had the time we took the little boy to his new foster home many times for visits and let him get to know his soon to be new parents without just dumping him off there. It shouldn't be in their face every minute of every day until they move, but it should be introduced a little at a time so they can adjust. In my humble opinion anyway, lol.
Do you have any contact still with children that you fostered but didn't adopt?
Many of them actually. The three boys that I mentioned earlier spend part of their summers here. My hubby and I are named as guardians in the will in case anything happens to their mom. The little girl I mentioned earlier comes here once every month or two so her mom can go out and act like the 19 year old kid she is for the weekend. Saves her mom a lot of stress, gives her time to be her age, and gives us time to with the little girl. Two kids were adopted by friends of mine (different families) and I see them often. The one little boy doesn't remember me since he was only here one day (read my other post, lol), and the other child attacks me with hugs whenever we see her. It's more common then I ever thought to have contact after they leave.
It is very hard to see children leave your home. It's heartbreaking actually. The hardest is when you see them going back to bio homes that you know haven't changed and they will be abused again. The easiest is when they go back to bio homes and you know it's right and that it should be. And the worst is when they are adopted by another home and in that secret part of your heart you feel like you failed them and rejected them.
And also remember, if they leave, it's possible they may come back. Our daughter was gone for a year and she came back home to us.
One other thing I really want you to keep in mind since nobody warned me about it. You will not bond to all the children in your home. Just like some adults we meet rub us the wrong way, some of the kids will too. I've only had it happen once, but I truly to the bottom of my heart believe you should have the child moved to another home. Kids are not stupid, and the child WILL know that you aren't bonded to them. They WILL see the difference in the way you treat them even if you think you are treating them all equal. It is so much better for that child to be moved to a home they have a chance of bonding in. We did move the little boy, but I waited four months. I thought it was wrong of me to move him, and I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn't bond to him. He has since been adopted and I think it was the best move I ever made for both me and him.
Let me know where you are at with your license. almost done? And let me know when you get "the call" lol. Good luck!
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