[atouchofheaven]

hanshernandez - you are not the only family out there wanting to adopt instead of being pregnant. my husband and i are also adopting through foster care although we've never even tried to get pregnant.

our reasons are many but mostly we don't feel it's right, for us, to bring more children into this world (which is already overpopulated) when there are so many out there needing loving homes and families. so we will keep adopting as long as there are children to adopt and we are physically able to parent them.

i honestly don't feel a loss at all from not having bio kids, and neither does my husband. to us, our son is our son. i can't imagine him being anyone else's child but ours, even though i know he has a birthmother and father out there somewhere. the only time it feels any different is when my friend's talk about their pregnancies, but in parenting there is so much more in common than just that so it really doesn't bother me.

it is important to have friends/family and a support network who understand about the specific issues in adopting. that has been a lifesaver for us. and it is sometimes hard to explain to people why you chose adoption in spite of being able to be pregnant. but i don't worry about what others think because it is my own heart i have to follow.

i'm sure there are many people on this forum that have experienced sadness and loss from not having bio children and i can't say what that feels like. but what i can say is that everything i hear about adopted children from their parents is nothing but positivity and love. you will be surprised when you recieve your child how normal it feels, cause you are just a dad, even to this child that doesn't look like you or have any of your DNA. but how easily you look past it and fall in love and it just doesn't matter.

by the way, if you really feel in your heart that adoption is a moral issue, how rewarding and assuring it is to go through with it. i am reassured everyday when i look at my son and know everything he has been through, and that he has found a safe loving place where he can grow into a successful person, and that we are a part of that because we listened to our inner self and valued that above genes and the "typical" way of doing things.

my husband adds, "you won't know that it's the right decision until you are holding your son or daughter." it took my husband 6 months after taking the class to be ready to actually accept a child. then another month and a half before bonding with our son and really feeling like he is his. now, i can't keep them apart, and he can't imagine not having him.

good luck to you and pm me if you have any questions.