[mommy3]

This thread reminds me yet again how the nuances of our lives and relationships truly shift the issues that on the surface seem so similar. Until we had miscarried a number of times, my dh would never have been interested in adoption. When we realized we COULD grow our family through adoption, he finall told me that he'd worried so much about our bio child (that we never carried to term) inheriting his allergies, asthma and other issues. It helped me so much to hear this from him. Our first adoption was wonderful with our ds. When our ds was about 5, I began to face that I had a true calling for another child. My dh really didn't. I'd bring it up once in a while but he'd just get really quiet. Finally, our ds began to talk about "his little sister" -- we talked to Daddy and told him we were ready for when he was ready -- and then we left him alone. About 5 mos. later he told us he was there. For us, the key was giving him time to decide, telling him how we felt and letting it be. It was really difficult for us while we waited, but it was worth it.

My point is, then, to have clear conversations and then lett your dh take the time to sort out the issues. We're a really candid family (but not very patient, ha), which helped a lot. susan