[thanksgivingmom]

I completely understand the need for boundaries.

However, I'm an aunt that babysits my brothers' kids (coincidentally my half brother that's eleven years older than me) probably once a week. I've got several neices and nephews and it's always been this way (with all six of my older half sibs and thier children). In a familial relationship, this activity isn't completely abnormal, which does add to the complication in implementing stringent boundaries.

I realize that you're in a very different situation in that the aunt is also birthmom, but from my experience, it's very offensive and hurtful to tell bmom that she shouldn't watch the kids because it's "too hard on her." This is the reason why I was denied a visit with my daughter for so long. I didn't need to be told what was best for me. So MamaS is right, bmoms don't like being told to move on, nor do they like being told what they need at all. And I think it's fair for us to not like that. Would an infertile couple like to have a very fertile bmom say, "You just need to get over it?" Doubtful. And I would never presume to say that to such a couple. It's inappropriate.

When restricitng contact, "It's too hard on her" feels VERY much like a cop out reason. Like you're doing this for her. Please just be honest with her in your reasons for now, two years later, setting up these boundaries.