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Kim is absolutely right! I have a relative adoption too, and the bmother intensely dislikes the bfather (and especially his fiancee) and always wants more information about them than she needs. When did they come? What was she wearing? Whose car were they driving? etc. If she knows when they are coming she finds an excuse to "drop in" and "leave something she bought for the baby" so he will be reminded she now has a job.
Bfather also has a tattoo with his name, bmom's name, and the baby's name. I said nothing about it. He can explain it to the girl he finally marries!
Bottom line - you and your husband are the parents of two children. Your sister is now the aunt of two children. You must do what is best for your children before considering your sister, the grandparents, or anyone else.
B-mothers do not like to be told they "need to move on" but your sister does. She does not need to babysit her bchild or yours. She probably needs counseling to help cope with the grief and to make life choices. Maybe you could enlist her mother to encourage that. At 19, her future is open -- college, career, and maybe someday she will find a good man and "win the prize" just like you did.
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