[hesabanana]

My ason was placed with me as a foster child when he was five months old. Bmom had lost three previous children due to substance abuse and neglect; all three were placed permanently with their fathers. When ason was 18 months old, his 2 month old sister was placed with us. At the time of her placement, the County was moving toward TPR with ason. We were told that TPR would be expedited on fd give bmom's history and current circumstances. However, as is the case with foster care, things changed and a definite TPR turned into another chance for bmom. Fd was ru'd with bmom in 7/06. We adopted ason in 8/06.
The day of ason's TPR hearing, bmom agreed to a conditional surrender, with the conditions being a letter and picture every June if she requests it in writing (so that I don't have to hunt her down).
From 8/06 to 12/06, we supervised visits between fd and ason for an hour a month in a conference room. Bmom went to court in 12/06 and asked the visits be discontinued; her request was granted.
We heard nothing from bmom until 5/07. She called out of the blue, intoxicated. Long story short, she called and offered to get the kids together three times and backed out. I finally told her that she either needed to agree to the visit or stop calling me. We began having visits at parks, and things went well. Bmom stuck to our parameters (sober, all of us going by our first names, no one else attending the visits without mutual approval, etc). Bmom began to allow us to take fd overnight. She wanted us to take her every weekend, but we declined, not wanting to confuse the kids, or ourselves, frankly.
About three weeks ago, bmom called me, drunk. She initially began talking about how hard it is to hear ason call me mommy. She then became insulting, and finally had fd (who is now 2.5 and developmentally delayed) repeat what she was saying to me, "You a bad girl. You stole ason." She then said she would not attend ason's birthday party and would not allow fd to come either. After several calls and hang ups on her part, I told her I had had enough for the evening and ended the call.
Several days later, the day of the party, bmom called 1 1/2 hours before the party and said she changed her mind and would allow fd to attend. I told her no, that I wanted to sit down try to work out the issues that came up earlier in the week prior to getting the kids together again and asked her to think about when would be a good time to sit down and talk. I also told her that she could call ason later in the evening so she and fd could wish him a happy birthday. She never called.
I called her a few days later and left a message asking her again to find some time to get together and talk things out. It has been a week with no response.
I really want the kids to remain in contact. I really want to be able to see fd. I really want to be able to keep an eye on this situation.
Does anyone have any experience in an open adoption with a bmom who had a child removed? I am struggling here.