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Hi, Laurajane,
Thanks for not flaming me. DS stands for darling son and dh is darling husband.
I will share with my son whatever he wants when he wants it. I guess that at this early stage (he is only 4 months) I'm not sure when he will be old enough to search other than the 18yo. Can he search earlier if we request the information or do you need to be the adoptee and older than 18? We are also going to consult a child therapist to learn how to deal with telling him the circumstances of his birth (ie planned termination). I'm not sure how I would handle that emotionally or mentally if I was told those things or read them in the nonid info. We are debating whether we should tell him this verbally as we give him the info papers or let him read it for himself. Others on another message board insinuated that he might not believe us if we just told him.
We are definite in our wanting to be completely honest and open with him when he asks the "hard" questions. We are preparing ourselves on how to introduce the concept of adoption in a couple of years. After that, we will take our cues from him. It's a double edged sword!! How do we reassure him that he can come to us with any questions or requests about his adoption without making him feel "different" or "not part of the family" as I've seen others post here. I had a friend who was always reminded of his status in a family with bio children and he had a very low self esteem which as an adult and aparent, I now can attribute to his treatment by the family.
Yiks!!! this is turning into a book! Thank you all for your various points of view. As a young mother, your posts have given me a roadmap of how to help and not hinder my son as he grows older and wants to complete the whole picture of himself!!
Mommy2amiracle
DS born 11/07/02 and placed in our hearts 11/08/02
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