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Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies.
The good news is that my "girl" was in school today... and relatively upbeat. I made a valentine's day card for her and gave her a great book that has passed through many hands in my family. And another of my independent study girls made her a valentine sweet.
I cannot tell you how happy I was to go looking for her today, and to find her exactly where she should be, in her math class, taking a test.
The not so great news ( rather devastating, actually) is that my husband is not on the same page as I am. When push came to shove (as in she really could come here) he does not want to do this.
I spoke at length with her social worker and we both know that the adults involved need to be BOTH committed to this. He is not. The social worker explained as well, that our girl is not in an unsafe situation at all, but definately not the most ideal at the moment. Honestly, I know the state people are trying their best to help.
I was frank with my girl today, explaining as best I could that it might not be feasible for that reason along with some others. I am pretty sad about it, but I won't do that to this girl (bring her into a home where someone doesn't want her).
I feel like I have to tell her this again, as she didn't seem to "get it" completely today. Maybe I wasn't straight enough about it....maybe I thought my husband would come around....maybe I am a coward and I melt when I see that hope in her face...
I am at least getting clearance to be one of her "safe" people so that I can visit and take her out of her group home for lunch or something.
I feel already like I have failed her....and I don't want to be another adult who did that in her life. But I feel I cannot let that deter me from staying in her life as her friend and mentor, even if she is not in my home, I will be there for her. I told her this today, and I can only hope this will carry her until she finds a living situation she feels good about.
I gave her a sketchbook/journal that I had been saving for her hoping she would "resurface". I bought it a while back because she had a birthday that was, well, less than ideal. My daughter helped me pick it out. Today she told me she is writing a book in it. She looked so much better today, and she told me she noticed that a lot of her classmates told her how happy they were to see her again.
So maybe, just maybe, the words I've been telling her about focusing on what she wants, rather than what she doesn't are already manifesting for her. Maybe the expressions of love she heard from so many today will start to convince her of her worth.
Thank you so much for your kindness and indulgence in letting me express things here. You people are wonderful.
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