[loveccl]

So what should I do? Here I am birthmother of almost 14 yrs and finally pregnant again. I waited and wanted a baby for so long. Now I am in the same place. I am helpless and hopeless and lost. I turn 3-0 in a week and I just thought things would get easier or better. Tonight I realized that the perfect dad I picked has way too much baggage. He has two kids and a CRAZY jealouse ex wife. She has moved on and gotten married but still she calls our home every night and screams about nothing. Its really not healthy for me or my unborn baby. I talked to his Brother and Sister inlaw and they told me to choose a healthy life for my baby and me. So I sit here tonight knowing what I have always known...I can rip out my own heart and still survive...but I'm just not strong enough to be a single parent. So do I give another lil guy up for adoption? I have no family or support system and in the last 14 yrs I have not gotten much off the ground for a career. I spent my 20's just getting from one day to the next. Last fall when I got preg I actually had a great job, and my beau was wonderful and I knew the ex was crazy, but now I am too sick to work and spend my days not knowing how to go on. Has anyone out there ever done this twice? I never thought I would. I wasn't a **** stat...I even broke off a 5 yr LTR and gave back the ring because the guy was not right to be daddy. Some how I feel like I desever better. Like my lil guy deserves better. Still I have to wonder tonight what hurts the most...ripping out my own heart again or stepping off the cliff and being a single mom w/ no support system.

All Birthparent insight is welcome and apprecitated...not in the mood to hear from Aparents. Just don't think you could understand and I don't like pitty.

Loveccl