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We went through this in 1988. Not with sexual abuse, but with physical abuse. Several of our kids came to us one day and asked for locks on their bedroom doors. I will never, never, EVER forget the looks on their faces. Our oldest child, then fifteen and very strong, had told them she planned to kill them in their sleep. They believed her, and they were terrified. With good reason, since she was a master of abusing them in ways that didn't show, then threatening them to keep them quiet so we never knew. It's amazing how clever a disturbed child can be. We only found out about the abuse after the abuser's placement disrupted and the other kids felt free to tell us what had been going on.
She was placed in a foster home with three younger children. We did everything we could to warn CPS of the danger of putting her with younger kids, but of course they didn't believe us when we told them about her violent tendencies. They were too busy trying to blame us for everything that had ever happened to this kid. No common sense was applied. They even tried to blame us in court for things our daughter said happened to her when she was five, SIX YEARS BEFORE WE EVEN KNEW SHE EXISTED. That's the uphill battle we fought in that mess. We were the parents, therefore anything the child did wrong was all our fault. The first eleven years of her life didn't matter at all.
I was on the phone with our daughter one time when she was babysitting the younger foster kids. It just chilled my blood, the way she was talking about them and to them. There wasn't a thing I could do. We had tried to tell CPS what they were dealing with but they just assumed we were lying and trying to make our daughter look bad, since she had made false allegations against us. In their minds, anything negative we said about our daughter was just more ammunition to use against us in court. We got nowhere at all, and it always came back to bite us when we tried to do the right thing, no matter what it was when it had to do with her. It was horrible.
I don't know if she ever abused the other foster kids or not. I'd be surprised if she didn't do something to them. But I never felt guilty about it because I DID WHAT I COULD. I gave CPS accurate information about our daughter's potential for violence and abuse. There was no way I could make them act on it or even believe me. The ball was squarely in their court, and after I let them know about how badly our daughter could act, it was up to them to protect the other children and the foster mother. I had to focus on helping our other seven kids, who were terrified and struggling through the investigation and its aftermath, as were my husband and I.
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