[loveccl]

So I am catching the end of this topic but still felt I would add...

I feel as a birthmother that I signed the papers for the Aparents to guide my son through 18 yrs of his life. Does this mean I'll be at his door on his 18th Birthday...honestly there is no where else I'd rather be. I am a birthmother CCL is my son. I once recieved a letter with a note from the amom that said Baby Boy R was your son CCL is our son. Note they were talking about the same lil guy I carried and gave birth to. Its been yrs since then but I think I responded with he has my eyes, my nose, and my lips...you could never give him those things. As for the self destructive drug addict part...they could never accuse me of something they openly did. If my sons turns out to be a pot smoking liar it will be because thats the environment he knows. Yes...sad but true.

I should also say that though for the most part my "home" has always been "healing recovery and success". I have been on these forums for yrs and I feel like I have grown so much here. I have seen so many people come and go and learned so much from all of you. Still nights like tonight when I am getting kicked and stressed about finally my second baby...I come here knowing I'll find comfort. I have said it a million times...before I found these forums in sept 2002 I believe people when they told me I was crazy for still feeling pain after 8 yrs. I wasn't crazy then and I am not crazy now. I do believe you can heal after adoption...I believe you can grow...but I will fight forever for my right to hurt and feel a dark day. I ripped my own heart out and placed it in the hands of druggies who betrayed me and my child. I live w/ that and still some how function.

The day I placed my son into the aparents car seat before they left the hosp...was they day I trusted them to guide him through 18 yrs. I gave away nothing except the the legal right to guide him in his first 18 yrs.

I know there are some great aparents out there...my lil brother has them...I was dumped into foster care and forgotten about...I always remind him he was the lucky one. I have no huge issues with Aparents in general, but I do have issues with my son's Aparents.

Loveccl