[Juliana13]

RavenSong - (We are off the original topic a little, I know, but...) Who do those adoptive parents "blame" when their children are gifted? When they exhibit special talents, when they are beautiful, smart and have a funny sense of humor? Of course some of this comes form environment, friends, family, experiences, parenting style, etc. But so much of it comes from who they are, from their genetic make-up, too. I cannot tell you how often I look at my children and am amazed at their talents and inner beauty. I could not have given my daughter her beautiful eyes and quick wit. I could not have given my son his amazing musical ability. I can't even sing. I do not know his birthparents (limited contact), but know they listed musical instruments in their hobbies in the info I received. I'm guessing they passed on to him his ability to carry a perfect tune, in perfect rhythm. And my daughter's penchant for reading? I am delighted, as I love to read, and maybe I helped her along that path, the loving it part... But the ABILITY to naturally catch on and be able to read like she does is something that came from HER - and most probably because it came from her biological parents. They were smart people (I mean, heck, they chose US to be her parents... they at least have good taste, right? )

And I totally agree with Julie23 that we (adoptive parents) CANNOT badmouth our children's birthparents. Whether we like it or not, whether it should be or not, the view they have about their birthfamily hugely shapes the view they will have about themselves. Even IF a birthmother did make huge mistakes, they are still and forever the birthmother of that child. And that child should be allowed to love and respect their birthmother.