[julie23]

thanks to those of you who have mentioned appreciation for my posts... i am a very strong introvert... that means that i process things internally...

one time, i made a comment to my sister (an extrovert who processes things by talking)... i said "well, I think... blah blah blah"... and she retorted, "OMG! You THINK too much!"... and i quickly replied, "yes, I do. I'm an introvert. You TALK too much."...

i found these boards five years ago.... and i have discovered that writing things out here is my new way of "thinking"... it has been very very therapeutic for me... i can write it... and read what i have written.. and process it.... and think about it.. and write some more...

and i have had the double blessing of having some amazing women respond to my posts with their thoughts... with their opinions... with their journey... and i have found companionship.... i have found that i am NOT alone... as i have always felt in this first mother journey.... i have found people with different viewpoints, that have helped me change mine... or become more grounded in my own viewpoint...

i have come here with pain.... with confusion.... with joy.... with sadness....

i need this place. and i need all the people who post here... every point in the triad... to learn... to process... to grieve....

it is why i struggle so much now, with wanting to keep myself from my daughter TIDNR*.... i do not want her to have access to my heart... the heart that i pour out here... she chose to walk away from me in a very ugly way.... in a way intended to hurt me.... i do not trust her.... i do not trust her with my heart...

and yet... i need all of you so much.... and i need this place to continue growing... to continue on my journey...

what a conundrum.

julie