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Originally Posted by dvalentine
Well, first and foremost... Hello all! Im new here, and just looking for some opinions?
I'm 17 years old, and i'm 32 weeks pregnant. As soon as I found out, I decided adoption was for me. I live with my mother, who is disabled, and I don't work. I found an agency, and then a family. We hit it off great, and I absolutely adore them!
But recently, i've been having second thoughts. I've always wanted children, and prior to my pregnancy, I was told for years I could never have children. At the same time, I feel guilty, because I -do- like the family so much, and I feel that it would be selfish to take the hope of parenting away from them, especially after all they've done to prepare (they've had three baby showers!). I'm also afraid to tell my father and his parents, who I've kept 'out of the loop' because of the way they would react.
It seems like my main reasons for going through with the adoption are out of concern for the prospective family, and fear..... But other times it seems like the best thing to do. Anyone have an opinion?
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I am an adoptive parent. And from my perspective, you really need to put your concerns for the prospective family aside and make the decision whether to parent your child or not SOLELY on you and your desire and will to parent. As it sounds, you want to parent your child so that is what you should do. If it were me, I would deeply regret the placement of a child in my home if I found out later that the only reason a mother placed her child in my family was because she felt obligated to do so. That would absolutely rip my heart out. From my perspective, placing solely for that reason would be a huge disservice to the prospective family and even more importantly to you and your child.
Will the prospective family be sad? Most likely they would. But it isn't your job to make them parents or make their dreams come true. That should not be a reason for placing a child in another family.
As for your family, I would let them know as soon as possibly your situation. I've heard over and over again that the fear in these situations (and I've experienced this too, in other situations in my life) often outweigh the reality of the reaction you receive. I hope they are supportive.
And another thing to consider is this... really, you don't HAVE to make this decision final now. You have a few weeks left of your pregnancy and until you meet your child, until he or she is in your arms, you won't really be able to make a decision. I hope that you give yourself some time (both for you and for your family), set aside what you feel as obligation to the prospective parents, and do what YOU feel is best for you and your child.