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Juliana, beautiful post. I did not "give" my son up. I gave up my rights to be a parent. I carried him with me for 28 years, an ee cummings poem comes to mind, I think it was worse than being the parent that raised him in that I worried about him all the time but never knew if he was alive or dead. At least as a parent to my other 2 children I worried about them but they came home every night so there was a break when they were safe in their beds. Hard to explain.
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i had/have dreams for her... just like we do with the children we raise...
i had dreams for her that were shattered...
but i have new dreams for her.... and it's not something i do consciously.... or choose to do...
it just is.
she is my daughter.... and mothers have dreams for their children... i guess.
julie