[doinit4me]

I've been kicking this around some with people and thought I would just start a thread on it to get additional opinions.

I am an adoptee who recently started her search. One question that seems to be coming up alot is "What are my expectations?"

I wrote about this in my journal but thought I'd bring it to a bigger forum. Here are my thoughts. I don't think expectations is the word that should be used. To be honest, I am getting tired of people asking me that. The reason I say this is because I feel that if you place expectations on people, you are in a sense, setting them up for failure. The only thing I think that I "expect" to get from my search is some sort of closure. I think that no matter what I find out, I won't have this grey area of my life. I will have tried.

I think a better question is "What do you hope to gain from the search?" My "hopes" are that I find my bmom. My "hope" is that there is that connection that I don't feel that I've ever really had. I "hope" that she wants to know me as much as I want to know her. I "hope" that I can feel complete once I know. These are some of my "hopes".

How do you feel? As an adoptee, bmom or amom, as you go through this process did you have expectations or did you have hopes? What are your thoughts on having expectations while going through this process? Did you expect to find a bond, a mom, a friend, a connection? Did you expect to look at your bmom or bchild and know that you belonged together? Did you expect that you would be able to meet and walk away happy just with the knowledge of knowing?

As far as me, I "expect" that if I buy an expensive item, that it won't break down right away. I expect that if I put my money in a bank, it will still be there tomorrow. Saying I expect things from this search would be like saying I expect my three years old not to say something inappropriate at the wrong time. Or I expect the sun to be out because the weatherman said it would. No, these are things I hope for. LOL!

I was just wondering if anyone else had issues with expectations. I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks.

Lori