[Juliana13]

Julie - I just wanted to say how beautifully written your original post was (and several others in this thread). What a great thread! Thank you for putting into such eloquent words the thoughts I have been trying to grasp and define. I am an adoptive mother, and I love what you have written, for it is so much how I feel about the birthmothers of my children. They will always call my children their daughter or son, my children will never stop being their children. Even though we have mostly closed adoptions, there is a connection there. My children feel it, I feel it. It is beautiful.

It always bother me to hear someone say "How could they give them up?" or whatever. They DIDN'T give them up. They gave up their rights to parent them, but never gave them up. I'm sure they still think of them and love them every day. That's not abandonment. They gave their children what they felt they needed. And they did it because they loved them. That's not abandonment, that's incredible, deep love. I know every one has different situations, and different reasons for placement, but I love how you worded the actual relinquishment. And I don't think it is just semantics. I think the way things are worded can be very powerful. I think it matters that children who were adopted understand the wording as you wrote it in your original post. I think it matters that women (and men) who relinquished their rights understand that they gave up their rights, not the child. They don't relinquish a child, they relinquish their rights to parent that child, and allow someone else to parent them. I don't know why I am re-writing what you wrote - you wrote it so much better.

Thank you for the post.