[rainmon]

I too, believe that having the "go between person"
the (3rd party intermediary) get just the medical info and possibly a picture would be the best way for you to go, since you state that you want no relationship, it simply is not fair (Imo) to ask for MORE of her if "you" want nothing more. it will be a huge shock to her life as it is....so at least be respectful enough to not bring too much pain along with it,
(as a "one time only" face to face surely would)
I personally can't imagine having to appear somewhere... to meet someone... knowing that the person wants NOTHING else to do with me after that meeting !!! and it being my own long lost flesh & blood
ta boot !!! jeeezzz ! ya gotta have a heart !
I don't believe in mixing business with pleasure...and if it's just all business with "you" and thats all you want..... then keep it that way. all business.
as if thats all you want, why give her false hope? why drag it out in a personal meeting? like some cold interview, wow! that just really seems sooo painful to even think about.
Are you wanting it this way just to appease
your A-mom ? as you said that your a-mom told you that she tried to make your upbringing so perfect that you would never have any desire to meet your birth family....so is this for her??? to show her what a good job she did?
I can see your wanting medical history and family heritage history and maybe even a picture, but why the meeting? all your questions could be answered through the non Id way, through a third party. less painful, I feel, until if and when your ready to give more of yourself.
and also if "you" are requesting a picture of her....would it not be fair to give one of you to the intermediary for "her" as well? ( in case she may want to see what you look like)
I just don't get how cut & tried you seem to want this all to be. can you not feel what it would be like for her? you don't seem to be considering her feelings here at all. to go into it this way without an open mind....without giving her a chance to get to know you.
just a set of rules 1. 2. & 3. .... period ????
if you have no desire to get to know her...why put her through the "going nowhere" meeting?
sorry....but I just don't get it.