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okay, so I've got access to the interweb once again! Hurrah! I'm using a loaner laptop and it's driving me crazy cuz all my passwords are on a spreadsheet since I don't have my own laptop (it's in the shop, needs a motherboard! Gah!)
SO, I had typed my little heart out yesterday with my version of Big Love and then lost everything! Ugh! I probably won't recall the whole thing here, just a brief synopsis...I've got too much housework to do...
So, here's why I will love LSs parents til the day I die...Those 2 ppl showed more compassion to me over the last 21 years than all of my friends and family members combined over the course of my lifetime. I aspire to be as compassionate as they have been.
(For full details of my reunion so far, you'll have to read my journal on my page...it's up to date as of 1/5/08)
Not only did they start from a young age telling LS what they knew of me, but they also made it a practice to include me in all their prayers. They shared every bit of info they had on me with LS, to include non-ID documents that included a statement I had written as part of the paperwork (I was only 17 at the time, typical selfish, know-it-all teenager so this surprised me even) about how I felt getting pregnant was a HUGE mistake for me but that I didn't consider the baby a mistake at all. LS has said that she drew great comfort and consolation from this. She has reassured me that she didn't have the abandonment issues many adoptees have and she attributes it mainly to these factors.
(oh, let me also interject that after the first f2f I had with LS and my son, when her parents came to pick her up, her mom hopped out of the car and told us that she didn't want to interfere with our meeting, but that we were crazy if we thought she was going to miss the chance to hug me since she had been waiting 21 years to do just that. It was one of the bestest hugs I've ever had!)
Anyway, LS did the search on her own, but with the full support of her family. I think it was wise of her to wait until she was nearly 21, and emotionally more mature than at 18. I think it has contributed greatly to our success thus far.
I'm still waiting for my son to embrace the idea that LS is his sister. He is difficult to read, keeps things to himself. He doesn't think they have anything in common. But he's only 16 so there's plenty of time to grow their relationship. I keep reassuring him that he is still my boo, will always be the love of my life, and that nothing could replace the love I have for him in my heart. I hope he gets that!
LS and I have spent a lot of time together...nearly every week since Xmas. It helps that she only lives 15minutes away. I'm so glad she moved back from college before she contacted me...I think I'd be crawling out of my skin if I was still waiting to meet her. I read these stories on here about ppl that exchange emails and phone calls for years without f2f and I think, my God, I'd never make it!
I really never contemplated a reunion. It hit me broadside, never saw it coming. I would never have initiated it. I think I always thought I'd closed the door on that. I'm getting adjusted to the broad range of emotions I'm dealing with now...it's work, but I'm up for it. I feels such immense gratitude toward LSs parents for bringing her up to be such a wonderful young woman. I'm having a blast getting to know her.
She went with me Sunday to a late gathering of aunts and uncles and cousins for Xmas gift exchanging and visiting. Most of them didn't know about her til we got there. It was like, who's that? oh, that's LSMs daughter...Oh, that's cool...wow, she looks just like this relative or that relative...and then the rest of the afternoon it was like she'd always been a part of it all...
It was really interesting tho, cuz all these years, I've sorta felt like I didn't quite fit in with my family. I've always felt a little off...not quite one of them, ya know? Not quite on equal ground. Sunday, walking in there with my daughter, (my son was already there, spent the night at one of the aunt's house) I felt elevated. I felt complete. When it was time to go and I said, hey kids, are you ready to go? I just got all warm and fuzzy...I was in la-la land the rest of the night! It was such a high... (not that I'm claiming to be her mom, she already has one of those...I'm trying really hard to respect the boundaries...it's just that this maternal thing keeps getting in the way! lol)
So, anyways, the point of all of this is that LSs mom and dad were so excited to meet my family and they can't wait til we have an opportunity to get together with all the aunt's and uncles and cousins on both sides and have a big family party...My family didn't grow by just one, it grew by leaps and bounds...I'm looking so forward to seeing where this goes!
LSM
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