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This is one of those areas that I waffle on. As adoptees, we didn't have any say in who we had a relationship with initially. I do think we have the right to that info, and to make contact with who we wish (respectfully, of course).
As you mentioned though, she also has a life, and some rights. Even if it was deceitful for your bmom to keep you a secret, it wasn't her fault, and to just lay a bombshell on her when you know little about her life, and her current situation seems not quite fair either.
Any chance you can reach out to that aunt who knew about you and see if she can help?
I never envy this scenario because there doesn't seem to be a clear cut right or wrong. Good luck with your decision!!
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