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the initial disengagment
hello b,
interesting question. when my relinquished daughter cut me and her sisters out of her life, it was really very devastating.. initially.
the ripples of her choice still come and go into our lives... when one of the little ones is sad because her big sister has chosen to not be a part of our lives.... or some other emotion pops up...
you have had some great responses here... most of them articulate a lot of what i think....
i suppose i would wonder about the person who makes such a choice... obviously, the choice to disengage when there is not anything abusive happening, is probably indicative of other issues... is it morally wrong?
i don't know. i suppose it depends on your morals. Clearly, my daughter and her adoptive parents do not value me or my children as human beings. Her parents view me as "non-human".... one without feelings... one not due any respect or consideration.... they have proved that time and time again... i am unworthy of even keeping a promise...
the initial pain was devastating. it was brutal... it was as if i had lost her again... a second time. and my fellow birthmothers here know how awful that would be... as if the first time wasn't bad enough... and i think it makes it worse when it is done by our birth childs own hand...
but it does fade... life does go on... i am raising three fantastic daughters... and this situation of being a birthmother is a relatively small portion of my life...
sooo... i move forward. i look at the positive... i live my life to the best of my ability... and i pay attention to the world around me...
i don't think i could have done that, though... had i not already sorted so much on this darn journey of adoption.
i don't think it's morally wrong. i just think it's rude, self-centered, selfish, shallow, unjust, cruel, unkind, and when it is done with the absolute intention to hurt and cause pain (as in my case), it is just wrong.
julie
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