[RavenSong]

Hi, mscruz75...

My one suggestion to you is to call your local Rape Crisis Center. You are eligible to receive free counseling, no matter how long ago the rape(s) occurred. I volunteered with a Rape Crisis Center for many years, having been a rape survivor, myself. It sounds like you haven't ever really dealt with the emotional ramifications and damage from when you were raped.

Also, I can't help but wonder if you keep bringing up this subject with your 15-year-old daughter. I can see how this could very well be causing inner emotional turmoil for her. And if you haven't dealt with your own feelings about it yet, how in the world can she deal with her feelings about being conceived against her own mother's will?

I'm also really worried about the reasons why you're planning to relinquish the baby you're now carrying inside you. I'm worried about this because you say, "I feel I have wasted my life and will place the child I am carrying for adoption now because of the lessons learned from the experience with my daughter." Are you really giving up your baby because of all the trouble you've had with your 15-year-old daughter?? If that's true, I can guarantee you that your daughter will resent you for years to come. I say this from experience ~ my own mother chose to have an abortion when I was 15 years old. My stepmother took me to see her in the hospital, and when I left the room, my mother told her that she didn't want to have another daughter like me. I cannot tell you how much that devastated me back then. I felt that my own adolescent behavior had resulted in the death of my little sister or brother. And it was devastating to know that my mom would rather kill her own baby than risk having another child like me. It took me years to deal with this issue. I just kind of wonder if your daughter will feel like you gave away her sibling because of her....