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I am the mother of a 15 yr old daughter whose father not only repeatedly raped and physically abused me but took me out of state to hide his crimes and my pregnancy. I regret not placing her for adoption but because the agency was so afraid of the father she lied to me and told me he would automatically get her if i placed her or worse his ex wife whom he had a huge history of violence with could get my child. so she took my choice away and essentially forced me into keeping the child with fear and coersion due to siding with the father-she did not report him for taking me out of state or the rapes!!! Now i have a child who hates me, is verbally abusive to me and blames me for being lower income-due to his refusal to pay support-and the rapes. Because of this and my wisdom gained by the long suffering of people telling me my economic and emotionally struggle is my own fault for "putting myself in that situation for this to happen and not making someone provide me a free abortion-instead of sticking to my own beliefs by not harming the baby because of his crime. For all you birthmoms feeling anxious about placing a child due to it being from rape or guilt-don't! People always try to sell a fairytale that if u just do ur part all will be well when in fact the child has the right to chose how to view the matter and may not appreciate you at all and in fact, like my situation, may blame you and use the situation to try and usurp your right to discipline and control your homelife. This child also lashes out at my other kids and constantly plays victim. She forged my name on her report card, got violent with me and the used her father to get sympathy from the police and avoid punnishment for destroying my property and my home and physically and verbally abusing my other son!! The cop told me i needed help and blamed me for being raped! the cop did not care to explain why her being grounded from going to mall after failing classes and forging my name was so extremely wrong that i must now be told i cannot discipline because she was concieved through rape. Oh, btw she did not even know until about 2 yrs ago and was spoiled rotten by me due to my own pitty for her father being a criminal. She had been put on punnishment for losing her keys and several pairs of glasses and she had a neighbor hunt down her birthfather claiming she was so mistreated. He was convicted and i have an order of protection for me and her after he admitted threatening to rape her too. I had to tell her, and now she says my doing so is a form of abuse! i am so tired of being manipulated and paying for another persons crime. i feel i have wasted my life and will place the child i am carrying for adoption now because of the lessons learned from the experience with my daughter. I wish sometimes he had killed me...he killed my right to safety and freedom and respect from others...all that is left is a shell, a body trying to survive...
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