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So do I send a "final" letter, letting him know he's welcome back in the future or not? I hate the evenings from 7-10 pm is when I get most depressed even if I don;t have something specific to cry about I feel like crying everynight at this time. Don't get me wrong my meds are starting to help but this just seems to be a hard time of day for me. I'm not going to send the gift but part of me still wants to send the letter and I don;t know if it will just push him away further or just give him food for thought, or anger him. I still have all this angst, I guess because I don;t have any sort of "closure" if I ever get any. The last thing I want is him thinking I've written him off. I don;t know if it would be a better idea to send it thru a third party, (ie: my husband) or if that would anger him. You all are helping so much and seem to have your acts together so much, I want to be in that place. I know I can move on to a certain degree (I'll always hold out hope and never give him up in my heart, but I will guard it) But I'm afraid that I may not be able to move on till I've sent the letter (or an email) but I think I want something tangible that he can hold in his hands and keep (hopefully not tear up which is a REAL possibility) But do I risk it?
My daughter's weddding in one week fron today so this next week I will be distracted but after that I'll have alot more time on my hands and I'm afraid I'll start focusing on him again and I DON'T want to do that it's tooo painful.
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