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Hi Blessed,
I read your post and was just wondering why? You indicated
By pullback, I mean cutting them completely out of your life. (Now I'm not including this to mean with individuals who are dangerous or abusive in some way - regular people with their good/annoying traits).
I can understand pulling back if they posed a threat to you in some way but if they are just regular people with good/annoying traits, then why?
There is no set rule stating that you have to estabilish an actual parent/child relationship. I think that if you severed it completely, you might regret it. It may not be exactly what you'd hoped for but it is what it is which is your family. Give yourself some time. Try to keep the lines of communication open. (I'm sorry but I'm assuming that you are the adoptee? If I'm wrong I apologize.)
I'm an adoptee just starting the search. If I find my bfamily, get to know them and they "pull back" without warning, I would feel that it had something to do with me. If after finding my bfamily I find that they want more from me than I can give at this time, I would try to let them know that I'm uncomfortable with it so that maybe we could still have a relationship and hope that they understand that I'm not rejecting them. In either case, by pulling back, someone is going to get hurt unless there is some sort of communication explaining "why" there is a need to pull back.
I hope that I haven't overstepped my bounds or talked out of turn. I just feel that whatever you decide to do you need to communicate the reasons why. It may not change the outcome but it could help ease any additional feeling of rejection.
Hopefully this has helped a little.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Sincerely,
Lori
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