[RavenSong]

I think what you're describing isn't "pullback", but rather "disengagement". And it really hits home with me right now. I don't know if it is morally wrong, but I can tell you that it can be devastating. And cruel....

I have spent the past 18 years developing a strong relationship with my son. The first few years were very difficult because I had to deal with his crystal methamphetamine addiction and adolescent angst. It wasn't easy, but we both survived. He has now been clean and sober for about 12 years (hopefully, he's still clean).

This year he decided to cut me off completely. He has also cut off my brother, which was surprising because they always had a great relationship. Interestingly enough, DS has maintained his relationship with my brother's ex-wife, who is a drug addict, and her adult daughter from a previous marriage. But DS has totally cut off anybody with actual blood ties.

To say this has been difficult is a gross understatement. I have been totally devastated. I know logically that nobody ever "forces" somebody else to ever feel a certain way. We all must take responsibility for our own feelings, emotions, and reactions. But it's been really hard for me to deal with this.

I have always been a person who places a lot of value on long-term relationships, even when there are disagreements or challenges. I still retain my relationships with friends I've had since childhood, adolescence, and college years, for example. At times, there have been deep divisions within my own family, but we have always worked them out eventually. There is no way I would ever just sever the bonds with family members or friends.

So it's a strange experience for me to have someone I love just throw me out of his life. And, frankly, I'm angry and hurt. This whole thing was caused by a stupid miscommunication and/or misunderstanding on both of our parts. I'm not perfect ~ I'm human, too. I just don't understand why he's not willing to learn the art of forgiveness, especially over simple human imperfections.

What really gets to me is that I know him, and I know that he will come back one day, expecting me to throw the door wide open for him. I don't think he understands that that's not how life works. Don't get me wrong ~ I will always leave the door open, but I will never have that trust and hope again.

I feel like I've had to surrender him all over again. The first time was a killer, but the second time is a hundred times worse. Every day when I wake up, I think of him; and every day I feel like I'm giving him up once again.

Morally wrong? Maybe, maybe not. Cruel? Yes....