[doinit4me]

I so heartedly agree with all of you! I am an adoptee from MN through LSS. I can't tell you how many times in my life I have wanted to do "the search" but at the time it was so very expensive and there are no guarantees that they will be able to find anyone. It's just so frustrating when you know that someone has a file on you and all they have to do is pull it, look to see what information may be in it, make a copy and send it to you.
Recently I sent in two requests to MN Dept of Vital Statistics. One was for a certified copy of my birth certificate. (I misplaced mine years ago.) The other was for a search for an affidavit of disclosure/non-disclosure. I received the birth certificate back. I didn't expect to get the name of my birth parents but what I got back floored me! It was a piece of letterhead with only the information that I had sent to them. No time of birth, no weight, no length, not even my race! Anyone could request this (if they had someone to notarize it) and pretend they were me! (And we wonder how illegal aliens can get fake documents!) I guess the main reason that I got so upset is that it didn't look at all like the copy that I'd received long ago from my family! As far as the affidavit info, I'm still waiting on that. Everyday when I go to the mailbox I feel sick to my stomach. Will it be there? Was it signed or not? Will I still have to go through LSS?
Then there is the adoption agency. They sound very nice when you are on the phone with them. And I realize that the people on the phone didn't make policy but how can you charge someone $125 for non-identifying background information regardless of what was put in the file? Not to mention another $60 for any non-identifying medical info. All they have to do is pull the file and make copies of whatever they have and mail it to you. It's not like they are doing a search for the bparent(s) to get the information. Then they charge you an additional $625 to do a search. (They also include counciling but I live in IL not MN.) Like everyone has stated...we are at the mercy of those who have the information. They have the power, not us. When I wrote on another thread about this someone stated that it was like being in the witness protection plan. I agree except we have no prior knowledge of who we used to be.
There are just so many road blocks. In my case, my amother (father passed 2 yrs ago...he was the only one who supported my feelings) is totally against the idea. She feels that I am "hurting her feelings" if I search. So not the issue. I have waited 40 years to search. (Partially out of fear, partially because of the cost and partially out of the desire not to hurt her feelings...that is another story all on it's own.) Financially, it is a drain...a 14 yr old in braces and high school, an 11 yr old on basketball team in a catholic school and a 2 yr old. My father & father-in-law passed away 2 weeks apart from each other leaving mother & mil in positions where they needed financial help, ailing great aunt...the list goes on and on. Emotional issues. These vary day to day. One day I am ready, the next I am scared as hell. Everyone who knows me think I won't be able to handle it if I find out it's too late or if they want nothing to do with me. I'm not so sure. I know it will hurt but I still think it's a chance I have to take. Support...I have some but not enough. My best friend is also adopted. That was actually what started our friendship. In 7th grade, a "friend" of ours called me illigitimate and this girl came to my rescue. She was also adopted. We've been best friends ever since. She, unlike me, doesn't really have that "need" to find out. My adopted sister is like me. Sometimes the need to find out is there, sometimes not. Right now she is in the "needing to know" phase so that helps but she works so much that we aren't able to talk like I'd like to. My husband tries to be there but he really doesn't understand. He errs on the side of caution. He plays devils advocate with me and it irriates me to no end. Believe me he has made some comments that have had me yelling at him. It's just not a subject that we can talk about. How do you explain to someone why you should have the right to information?
I cried when I got my "birth certificate" and told him it made me feel like an un-person. Even a cabbage patch doll's birth certificate has more information on it! Why can't people realize that this isn't just a "whim"? It's something that we think about alot even though we don't talk about it alot. The decision to locate your biological family is not something that you decide to do willy nilly. It's a scary, frightening, emotional thing that for some takes many, many years to decide to do. Then when you do "finally" make that decision, it can take years to find even a scrap to give you hope. Men and women in congress are making decisions that affect millions of people without taking into consideration all parties involved. I can see not allowing people under a certain age, access to the information. But after a certain age, you should be able to get information on yourself. They can't say that it is a no-no to be entitled to information that, if you were born after 1977, would be entitled to today. What makes births before 1977 so much more secretive than now? What gives them the right to say "now it's ok to give the information out but it's not ok back then"? Why is it, if we petition the court to unseal our records, that we have to hope and pray for a sympathetic judge? What makes one case more "special" than another? If it's ok in one instance, it should be ok in all instances.
Anyway, this has become much longer than I initially wanted it to be. I'm sorry for the book. Guess I've just had a lot to say for so long and no one to really talk to about it. (Believe me when I say there is much more!) Anyway, if there is anything that I can do to help the cause, let me know. I am a stay at home mom (with a 2yr old) so I have some time. Good luck to all!
Sincerely,
Lori