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J,
Great thread. Hits a place deep in my heart. I can so relate to how you are feeling. I agree with you on the part about being changed, as I feel that way too. I have spent a lifetime raising children, hoping with each one, I will find the part of me that was lost. I was the best mother I could be, and I started young, 17, to be exact. I went and did everything I could to prove to the world that there was no mother out there, that could compare with me. I think in my mind, I was competing with the amother who was raising my birthdaughter. I was fearful, and guarded with my children. I watched every move that they made, and in doing this I have raised some of the clingiest children alive. My 30 year old daughter, calls me daily to ask help questions about herself and her children. My 27 year old daughter, is a mess, and could not find a job, so I gave her one. My son, is fearful of going off to college next fall, as he does not want to leave me. Thats just the first 3, I have 3 more, who are still young and do need my constant care. When i was raising them, I had no idea how much damage I was doing. I thought I was doing everything right. Now as I look back, I was doing everything right for me, maybe not for them. They were to me, a balm, to heal my soul. By letting them be this, I made myself the most important thing in their lives. Now they don't know how to let go, and I can't let go. It is crazy. To think that it all was started by one decision made by a 15 year old, who did not know what she was doing. 32 years, and 6 children have not been able to break this cycle. My question is, how do I stop, before I make the last 3 as needy as the first. How do we get back to the girls we were supposed to be.
Colleen
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