For the past week I've only been able to "mouse" around. My computer has decided not to recognize a keyboard, so I haven't been able to comment. SO, now that I'm at a computer that actually works I can say all that i've been wanting to. Sorry-it'll be long.
Oceans-I appreciate your advice. I'd like to just clarify more on how I provided April with info.
I gave her info about adoption AND parenting. The info was both Pro and Con for both. I did not try to sway her in any decision, because that was not my postion. I was asked to tell my story. My experience with being a teen mother and my experience with adoption.
Yes-I gave her info that the adoption agency wouldn't. For her decision to be an educated and ethical one, she needs to know all sides.
M, the adoption councelor and I have actually grown a friendship and I love her to death. However, her job is adoption and she really doesn't focus on anything else when you are in her office. I actually donate my baby items that my son grows out of to her.
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She is so fragile and easily manipulated right now
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HHMMM-wonder why the agency only focuses on one side of adoption.
I gave her information that the agency wouldn't tell her. Such as, open adoption agreements NOT being legally enforced, how the pain does not go away just because the agency provides a support group, etc. They agency is/was having her talk to mothers that relinguished and are in open adoption arrangements that are working well. Tell me, why isn't she talking to anyone that had the door slammed in their face once they signed TPR? I don't like how the agency sugar coats adoption, to be ethical all sides need to be focused on.
April was thinking of parenting. So, they agency should help April educated herself on how she could parent as well. But they won't! I know this- I was 32 years old and they didn't with me!
I find it very important for April to also educate herself on parenting. As she was deciding between them both.
I told her the sacrifices she would be making if she decided she would parent. I told her how hard it would be. I also told her that her dreams were not impossible and with hard work and support, she could accomplish them. Sure, college may take 6yrs instead of 4, but if she was willing to accept that then GREAT! I gave her local resources that are available for her. I STRESSED she should have a plan to finish school before fully choosing parenting.
April's parents were fully aware of her asking me to talk with her. I did give her all the info before speaking with her though. This info was shared with her father. Both were very appreciative and said it was very educational for them.
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I would disagree that the parents have "no say" in the matter. They may not be able to sign the TPR, but they can sign an arrest warrant charging the bfather with statuatory rape. They can turn their daughter over to Juvenile Court as a "minor person in need of supervision". They can sign an emancipation decree, freeing themselves from responsibility for their daughter's medical bills, or any bills the baby might accrue. What if the baby has a medical emergency at birth - needs surgery for cleft palate, etc.? Of course a good counselor can give the b-mother information on all the government programs and handouts, but the government doesn't hold her hand when she goes into labor?
As a mother who has had the experience of a pregnant teenager, I would highly resent anyone telling me "I had no say" -- unless that person were prepared to financially, physically, and legally take my place as a parent/grandparent.
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MammS - Sorry, but a parent would need to except that. It sucks I know and would be truly hard, but they have NO SAY. I guess they could do all that you mentioned, but HOW SAD, to do that to a child in need of support and love.
Yes, my parents ended up paying for the birth of my son. My father had a long battle with his insurance company as well. I appreciate this a great deal.
And well, the state IS pressing charges against the father as he is 16. It was an agreeable act, however, Chad will be charged because he is older. I guess it'll just be a misdemeanor, but I still find it some what wrong. Puts more stress on a soon to be father as well.
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FWIW, I am not anti-adoption. I think it is a wonderful option for women faced with a crisis pregnancy who have been completely informed of the resources available to single parents, given unbiased counseling, informed how hard both options are, parenting is no easier and no harder than adoption IMHO
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Mommy24- WELL SAID! AGREE 100%
Update on April and Chad
Chad is coming to terms with the pregnancy.
And April's final decision...
She will be parenting. April is expecting a daughter. Her parents are suppporting her and she has my support as well. I still have some baby items at home that will be passed on to her. I will continue tohelp her, her parents, and Chad find the resources/help that they may need. I'm not going to lie-I am OVER JOYED she has choosen to parent. April and Chad will make great parents, with support and love from all around. I did remind her to re-eval everything again maybe one more time before her due date. (She's 5 1/2 months along)
Thanks EVERYONE for their input and assistance!