[stelleshope]

Hi Thanksgiving Mom!

I'm new to these forums, (my husband & I are a potential adoptive family) and reading your story as well as many of the posts on this site by moms who've chosen to place their baby for adoption has been very important for me. We have three natural daughters whom we've raised with the attachment parenting style. Having these parenting experiences starting from each of their births has made me very sensitive to the importance of keeping mom & baby together---whenever possible. I've learned a lot about the pain that a mother feels when this isn't possible, thanks to you & others who are brave enough to share your stories. For a time, awhile back, after reading the book, The Primal Wound, I was even questioning whether it was right for us to even be attempting to adopt. Isn't it better to try to provide whatever helps a mother might need---if possible---so she can raise her child herself? Fortunately, we are part of a very small agency who follows this sort of philosophy (which is part of the reason we're still waiting 3+ years later). (This is reflected in the fact that our attorney's fees for the entire adoption are in the hundreds rather than the thousands and tens of thousands I see everywhere else.)

I'll cut to the chase. Your posts are making me wonder if it is best if we look to become adoptive parents only if a mother decides to place her baby through the Safe Haven laws, as this situation is one in which her decision is made by herself presumably without coercion by others who stand to make a profit from that decision and is a way to show support for loving moms who choose a safe place for their baby, whom they are unable to care for at that time. (I don't mean to imply that every agency is coercive and looking to separate moms & babies, I just mean that going this route would necessarily prevent that possibility.) What do you think as a mother who chose this route? If we do go this way, could we still possibly have an "open" connection with the child's natural mother, if she so desired? (I am very interested in such a connection for the sake of the mom & especially the child involved, whom I feel deserves this for the sake of his or her psychological development.)

Thank you so much for your courage to speak for those who may feel voiceless and thanks for your consideration of these matters.

--Stelle

P.S. I also don't mean to imply that adoptive parents seeking a child in another way is in any way "wrong"--just that other ways might not be the right choice for US.