my son has them too!
Susan,
Over and again I'm floored by the similarities in our stories. My son has a number of tattoos, too, and at our first f2f, one of the first things he asked me was whether anyone else in the family had any. Had to tell him no one in my immediate family, but some others in the extended family, very discreet ink, nothing like what he has.
The funniest thing was how I'd never thought I'd be a person who would consider a tattoo until this reunion experience began to happen to me. To return to Mockingbird's original post about how to help our loved ones understand and cope with what's happening to us, it seems like so many things are opened up during this process--so many emotions and memories, even to the point of feeling like I actually have access to parts of myself I had suppressed or had forgotten existed. It feels akin to an emotional unravelling, as if so many of my feelings, and even parts of my identity, were wrapped up so tightly, almost mummified; preserved in a way but not accessible until I knew that knowing my son and being with him might be possible. Only with the possibility of a relationship with him, is it safe enough to go there...
Sometimes this has resulted in my DH or kept children looking at me and saying, "Who the heck are you?" but little by little we are all finding out that what they are seeing are all parts of me that perhaps have always been there. The intensity of the early stages of reunion makes it hard to sort it all out, but as you and I are finding with the possible-potential-eventual-tattoo question, we can't say exactly where we'll be down the road. That said, I also have to admit that I like having access to these parts of me and letting them find their voice. And eventually, I think my family will see that I'm a happier, more liberated person, and a better wife and mother, for living more honestly and authentically and more fully myself, whomever I turn out to be.
Best,
Susanne
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