Dear Susan...
Dear Susan, thanks for the good words. I used to make my living writing, teaching, and speaking (in theology, higher ed.) so communicating this way feels very natural to me. I get so much here; it's good to know I have something worth sharing that might strike a chord in return.
J says that we should go get tattoos together, because we're both "so cool." (LOL at the thought of my kid thinking his nerdy mother is cool!) A few months ago, we were in such a coccoon together, if the opportunity had presented itself, I might have gone forward without attending to the reaction from the rest of the family. But I think those heady, delicious days of total exclusivity are passing. I miss them already, even as I welcome the growth and awareness of how the others I love are perceiving what's happening to me. And since I'm aware, I have to acknowlege that, alas!, my family isn't ready for Mom to get a tattoo. I think especially for oldest DD, it'd create more than a speed bump, don't you think?
Still, I'm not ruling it out for sometime in the future. The idea appeals to me as somehow creating a symmetry or acting as a counter-balance to what has always felt and what I've always "visualized" as a flesh wound that was left behind at relinquishment, the way it seemed I could feel the ripping and tearing when I let my son go. It sort of feels like by intentionally marking my flesh (stretch marks don't count!) I would be symbolically cancelling out the old wound. This doesn't seem to make sense to anyone I've shared it with, but then, none of them has ever relinquished a child...
So, Susan--did you get the tattoo?
BTW--Today is youngest DD's 20th birthday. Each year on this day she tells me, "Mama, it's the darkest day of the year." And I reply, "Well, it was the brightest day of my year."
Happy Solstice to you, too!
Susanne
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