[ocracoke]

We actually had a debate in chat about this last night. There were members of all aspects of the triad there and I think it is fair to say that we agreed to disagree.

One woman said that she felt like adoption was unnatural. It appeared that most of the adoptees in chat preferred to call the women who gave birth to them "natural" mothers. And I have to say -- I hate it. I did not give a child up for adoption so I will not pretend to understand how this affects them. I will say that as an adoptee I think calling my birth mother "natural" is an insult to my adoptive mother. There was nothing unnatural about her raising me. And, in my particular situation (which I understand is not the case with most), my birth mother did very little parenting in my first 5 years of life. As an adoptive mom, I don't like thinking of my daughter's mom as "natural", again, because the implication that I am the "unnatural" mom. However, unlike my situation, her first family loved and cared for her unconditionally until they were no longer able to do so. We talk about her first mom and we talk about her dad (I am single so there is no need for a distinction). I like first mom in some cases and I like birth mom in other cases. What I said last night is that if people are referring to my situations, I do not use "natural" mom but that other people have the right to make that choice for themselves. I was asked if I would correct someone if they asked about my "real" or "natural" mom and I have to say -- I always have.

Samantha