Hi.....I too have not been in contact with my adoptive family .....for almost 20 years now. It was a very unstable violent family I was adopted into. I found my adoptive Mother almost two years ago and it has been extremely hard trying to have a relationship with her. She deals with mental issues and lashes out at me with a vengence even when I try desperately to be and say everything that she can possibly want. I know what you mean by feeling alone....I think that alone feeling is something that happens when you grow up in a family that you are not biologically connected to and then if/when you do find your biological family it is too late to make up for all that you missed and lost. Let me tell you this...you are not alone....there are so many adoptees that feel this alone and in pain feeling....I don't think it is possibe for anyone but someone who has been adopted to ever understand what you feel....I completely understand. Please know that coming to this site you will find that you are not alone and that many people care. I am going to put a "message" that I saw recently on a post that I saw that touched me deeply and made me realize that I need to somehow learn to love myself and to realize that I am okay. I have my whole life and to this day felt like there must be something wrong with me...I know exactly how you feel when you say that and it is a very lonely feeling. Adoptees kind of form a family of our own....you are not alone.Genée
superstar102569@aol.com
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself.
The single relationship truly central and crucial in a life is
the relationship to the self. It is rewarding to find someone
whom you love, but it is essential to love yourself. It is
quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent
human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as
acceptable as well. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot
live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone
else. You cannot be given a life by someone else. Of all the
people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one
you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life,
you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you
are the only solution