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Old 12-12-2007, 03:18 PM
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aspenhall aspenhall is offline
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I think giving her a gift card as a xmas present would be a sound way of helping out...I know of aparents who provide long distance calling cards to make it easier to stay in contact.

Also, ANY gift given can be seen by the courts as COERSION to place. And in the event that she changes her mind YEARS later, if she can prove coersion, you will lose the child.

Here's a potential argument to think about:
"Your Honor, I couldn't afford a place to live, I couldn't afford to eat, They helped me keep my apt and helped me buy food, and although I had thought of placing my baby, I was afraid that if I changed my mind, They wouldn't help me anymore and I had no choice, I had to place for fear of being homeless, starving."

YOU may not intentionally be influencing her decision to place by helping her out, but she may feel the pressure to survive is greater than the desire to place.

I'd find out what the $$$ limits in utah are. also if it comes from a 3rd party it isn't as bad I don't think. So, submitting her name for utilities help, or giving programs wouldn't be bad, but handing her cash would be.

Also if you aren't providing the necessities of life for her, then it also isn't as bad.

Helping her get help for herself (WIC, medicaid etc...) is a good way to help. But before you do anything, talk to an adoption attorney. Twist the situation in your mind, and treat it as if she were any other pregnant mom in need. How far would you go? Would giving help now make it harder to decline helping her in the future? Can her bishop help instead?
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