I was told by the first adoption agency I went to, that me wanting to be involved in the baby's life was along shot. That most adoptive parents wouldn't allow that. Thank goodness I found my amazing new family, Pam and Bruce, Abby's adoptive parents. They have told me time and again when I have mentioned that it would be easier if I walked away from it all that they will "hunt me down"
Our adoption is bit more open than some maybe, but we love it and couldn't be happier with it. I would say that one of the best ways to educate the mom to your choice is to get her involved in some sort of support group, and make sure she has someone clearly explaining things on her end. You guys have your coordinator, she needs one too. It helps to know as a birth-mom that you aren't alone in this, or in your choice of open, closed, etc.