Krajewskim, sorry it took so long for me to get back to you...I'll try to respond to some of your questions though!
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Originally Posted by krajewskim
All we know is that she is a high-honors college student and that birth dad is "unknown". We know she took care of herself while she was pregnant. We guess (and it's probably wrong, but it fits what we were told by DHHR) that most high honors college students don't sleep around and that she either knows who dad is and doesn't want to tell or she really doesn't know because she was drugged and/or drunk at a party and raped. We think she didn't believe in abortion, but making "a plan" with an adoption agency was too painful, so she placed through safe haven. Does this even sound plausible?
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I can't speak to what she was thinking or where she was mentally with placing this way. She very well could have known the birthfather, not known the birthfather, dated the birthfather. Just because she didn't divulge at placement doesn't mean that she doesn't know and won't share that information at a later time. I think that making a plan with an adoption agency isn't necessarily that it's too painful, but that it makes it real. And for me (getting my Masters during pregnancy) and maybe for your child's birthmom, focusing on school was priority to making yourself DEAL with the pregnancy and placement. Not necessarily good reasons, but just a shot in the dark there.
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Originally Posted by krajewskim
I would love to have an open adoption with her once we finalize, but is it violating her right to privacy because she placed through Safe Haven? I was thinking of putting an ad in the paper telling her thank you and that we love him and that we'll tell him that she loves him and that we'll leave our contact info at DHHR - always - if she wants to find us/him. Should we try that or should we just forget it?
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I never would have taken the first step towards opening the adoption. DD's Mom left me a letter at the hospital and the SW called to let me know and tell me that I could pick it up if I wanted to. She put the ball in my court and let me know how to get a hold of her. It wasn't until that moment that I realized I wanted desperately to see my daughter through her life, even if only in pictures, and to know about her life, even if only in updates.
I would be concerned about the publicity of a newspaper however...how long ago was his placement? That might make a difference in if I would be responsive to it. You could post on websites like this that you are in search of her, that way only people related to adoption (presumably) will really be looking...if she's an honors student in college my guess would be that she definitely has access to computers and the internet and might be accessing support sites herself.
I'll let you know if I think of anything else. Good luck!