[krajewskim]

First of all, thank you thanksgivingmom for putting Safe Haven law and its participants "out there". You are right, they are such a silenced group. We are fost/adopt parents that received our county's first Safe Haven baby and are in the process of adopting him. This is where more praise and prayers come in. We are in an open adoption with the bmom of our older child (H is 8). She stopped writing about a year ago, affectively closing the adoption. It saddens my heart and H's. We pray for her. We also pray for baby M's mom. We don't even know her and we are so proud of her. It must have taken all her strength and courage to do what she did. It would have been so simple to have an abortion and we are so grateful that she didn't. All we know is that she is a high-honors college student and that birth dad is "unknown". We know she took care of herself while she was pregnant. We guess (and it's probably wrong, but it fits what we were told by DHHR) that most high honors college students don't sleep around and that she either knows who dad is and doesn't want to tell or she really doesn't know because she was drugged and/or drunk at a party and raped. We think she didn't believe in abortion, but making "a plan" with an adoption agency was too painful, so she placed through safe haven. Does this even sound plausible? I would love to have an open adoption with her once we finalize, but is it violating her right to privacy because she placed through Safe Haven? I was thinking of putting an ad in the paper telling her thank you and that we love him and that we'll tell him that she loves him and that we'll leave our contact info at DHHR - always - if she wants to find us/him. Should we try that or should we just forget it? I imagine her sitting in a dorm room crying - her heart breaking. I know it's no where near the same, but DH and I are infertile and I've miscarried a lot of babies over the years and I know how much that hurt me. I can't imagine carrying to term and the hurt that must be there - even if you still believe the decision you made was the correct one for you and the baby at the time. I imagine her little heart must break at times for the aching want of her little angel. Sometimes, I hate adoption for that reason. I wanted to be a mom more than anything, but it's like organ transplant, I know that for me to get my wish, someone else must go through unspeakable pain and heartache. All I could do for H's mom was promise her that I would do my best to love him enough for both of us. Does anyone have any ideas about our bmom and how/if we should try and find her after we finalize? Sorry. I didn't mean this post to be so depressing. :-) Hope everyone had a blessed thanksgiving.