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Dear Cottonwood,
I would like to chime in as a Catholic grandma whose daughter and 2 1/2 year-old grandson live with her and her very conservative Catholic husband/grandpa. The father of her child deserted her because she refused to have an abortion.
My daughter did not tell us about her pregnancy for a long time because she was afraid that we would be disappointed in her. Yes, she was over 21 but our approval (blessing??) was very important to her. I always thought that I would strongly encourage my daughter to have her child adopted if she became pregnant before she was married. Great idea in the abstract! But when faced with the reality of a real, breathing, kicking grandchild, it would have killed me and my husband to lose our grandson. We were terrified to tell our extended (also conservative Catholic) family. But we were overwhelmed with the love and support that we received from them.
You are over 18, so it is your decision and no, you do not need approval. But having been through this with my daughter, I understand why you feel that you need your family's blessing. Please keep in mind that the rhetoric that you have heard from your parents about adoption are abstract ideas that they have formulated when thinking about the "what if" that all parents think about. It is entirely different when nature tweaks us in the nose and we are faced with the reality of our children experiencing an unplanned preganancy. I think that you need to tell your parents what YOU feel that you and your babies need and give them the opportunity to step up to the reality of their grandchildren.
And my daughter also has the "perfect" older brother married to the "perfect" Catholic girl from the "perfect" Catholic family. My daughter is not thought of or treated like the "black-sheep" in the family. In fact, she is admired for giving her son life and for being a loving and doting mother who provides for her son very well. And we feel blessed to be part of her journey.
With my very best blessings,
Happy G'Ma
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