I found you, Susan! Thanks for asking me to post here. I love to read all the reunion stories, especially when everyone gets along.
My son found me 6 1/2 yrs. ago when he was 27. He was placed through an agency at birth. When he found me (he used a CI) I was shocked - I had never expected (or maybe was too scared to hope!) him to look for me. He was married with an 8 yr. old stepson and 2 yr. old twins. Both of us were in a hurry. He called me the first time, I called him 2 days later and then we emailed and sent pictures for a week. 10 days after our first phone conversation, we met f2f. But I had one request before we met. His adoptive parents didn't know he'd found me and I felt like we'd be going behind their backs if they didn't know anything when we met. His dad had been very supportive of him searching, but neither had mentioned the search to his mom, as she didn't like the idea. So at my request, he told them. His mom cried. And hugged him. It was hard for him as he thought she took it very badly. But the next morning they came over and she explained that she always knew this was coming but it took her by surprise. And she was scared. But anyhoo, my son and his wife and my husband and I all met. Two weeks later, my husband and I went to their town and stayed the weekend. I met my grandsons that weekend.
But anyhow, my son drove down about a month later and spent the day with me and we just talked. I think the best thing I can recommend to someone starting out in reunion is to try to spend some time one on one with your son/daughter. After that time, we would have lunch (we each drove a little over an hour) about once a month just to talk for a few hours. Plus we held a running conversation through email. And about 4 months after we first met, we met his parents. It went fine, but a little formal feeling. His mom was very nice and we got along okay. I think she realized that I wasn't trying to take him back, lol, but in time the sticky point came when I started getting closer to my grandson. My son was their only child, so the twins were their ONLY grandchildren and she babysat them on a daily basis. That took about a year to iron itself out, but when it did, things started going much better. I knew things were going great when my husband & I and his adoptive parents took the twins out for dinner. All 6 of us, and it went well. It wasn't a planned thing, it just happened. And we've all been at the house for birthday parties and things like that. One year, his parents were going on vacation (remember, they babysit the twins) and I was going to have the boys at my house for that week. They called, asked if we could watch them and they brought them to our house on their way south! I'd say they've come a long way! Now that the boys are in school, his mom and I go to Grandparents Day together. We've gotten to know them very well and have a mutual respect for each other. I think 'Big Love' is a very good title for this thread. I feel like we're all one big family at this point. After all, we share a son! And grandsons! And I thank the Lord that they're willing to do this. I feel truly blessed to have these relationships in my life. My son is definitely my focal point in all of this, but my grandsons and his parents are an added blessing. I thank God every day the this has happened in my life.
I have to tell you what we did yesterday. My son and grandsons drove down yesterday (at my request) and we went to a photographer and had family pictures taken. I have one that has me and my husband, my three kids and my grandsons. Another one is of my three kids. It turned out great and is one that I'll always treasure. But after they left last night, I started wondering what his parents will think if they see the pictures. Will it bother them to see him in OUR family photos? I wasn't sure. So I emailed him this morning and asked what they'd think. He hasn't gotten back to me tonight, so I'll let you know what he says. I hope we've gotten far enough in this relationship, that they'll understand my desire to have these pictures.
It's interesting to read all the different stories. Sorry mine was so long, but like someone else said, once I got started, it just kept going.
Interesting thread, Susan.