[Jenn_hg]

Hello.
I posted in one of the other adoption forums on this site and they directed me here.

I have secondary infertility and after 2 years of TTC #2, 1 failed IUI, and 2 failed IVF we have decided increasing our family size with another bio kind is not in the cards for us. We have started down the long and daunting process of adoption but I am worried about a blended family.

We have a bio child- DD who is 2 1/2. I dont know anyone in RL that has a bio child and 1 or more adopted children so I wonder if this type of family even exists. I know I would love an adopted kid the same as the child we already have but I am worried that the adopted child will feel left out b/c DD is ours biologically.

Everyone tells us we are super parents. I am a SAHM, DH is a very involved father. It seems unfair that we were struck with secondary infertility but at this point I just want the family size I have always dreamed of (3 kids) and I really dont care how the kids come into the family. As far as I am concerned each kid that becomes a "Davis" will come into our family in the same way: through our hearts and through our front door.

Our main family and friends are very supportive of our decision to adopt. We do have a few friends that think we are crazy to want to adopt and dont understand why we are not grateful we have DD and just leave it at that. They think we will screw up our family and invite trouble if we adopt. These comments are hurtful and not constructive but they make me worry since I dont know anyone who has done this.

I came from a family of 4 (1 sister). We were both bio kids. I love my sister so, so much that I could not even fathom DD not having a sibling to share experiences with.

Is it wrong for me to try to push for my "ideal family size" when we were lucky enough to have DD biologically? I feel like DH and I are caught between 2 worlds- the world of the fertile myrtles who have 4+ bio kids and the world where couples do not have any bio kids and decide either to go complete adoption or childless. It is frustrating.

Also we are worried a birth mother will not choose us b/c we already have a bio child.

I am so upset. Any thoughts would be appreciated right now.

Thanks,
Jenn (35-Secondary Infertility)