[SilverWitch]

Now however I regret having such a desire to know her and what her life had been like because it was horrible not good like I'd been promised it would be.

That is exactly how I feel. I was so driven to find her, I even was a confidential intermediary for a while. Until a birthmother that was prepared and delighted when her daughter searched told me never to contact her again and that I had ruined her life!

Still I thought it would be different with my child. No, it is worse. No matter what I do, she blames me for her life, hates me to the point of enjoying punishing me. It is a mess.

It makes me wonder what I thought it would be like if I had just given up when I should have.

I have yet to meet or talk to a birthmother that does not feel the same way. I know that they are out there, I just have never personally met one.

I wish searchers luck, but my recommendation is to put your info out there and leave it alone. Let them find you. Some kids just don't want to be found, others just don't know what they want. Then there are the ones like mine.

Just my thoughts.